Platinum Day of Love
This ain’t no fairy tale. It’s a story from the heart. It must have been quite late as I stood in the dark streets all alone with a bruised heart and a soul shattered by the immense agony and suffering for loving someone. I lashed out with a bag filled with only a handful of clothes just to get me through few nights as I had no idea where I will be going or what would be my next step. I was a bird…a free bird and then I met someone and made myself believe that I could do no better and I went into this complete self-denial mode where I thought that this was it...this was all I will ever have in life. And now I stood with broken wings in the middle of a night and an unbelievable relief that the painful ordeal has ended and I will never have to ever go back and that it was over.
Hi. My name is Aaliyah and I am a dreamer, a lover, an artist and a giver. I believe in karma before any culture and any religion. For me my God is my karma. I believe in life as a full circle where what you give comes back to you ten folds. All my life I looked for different ways to give love and joy. I won’t deny but I always wanted to be loved and pampered. I felt love in helping someone in need…just a moment of love was enough for me. Since this was my nature I looked for appreciation and somewhere when that appreciation didn’t come, I made myself believe that I was not good enough and that belief of being not good enough took me to a place where I never thought of ending up. And then it took a blow of a lifetime for me to come back from that trance, the so called perfect life.
I fell in love at a young age of eighteen and had my share of joy and pain in love. I was in love throughout my prime and never got the chance to look around. So many times I felt that it is not what I actually wanted but that denial mode kept me in chains. The fear of never finding someone else took a toll on me and I lost my confidence. I felt loved but not the way I wanted. So from 18 till I turned 24 I was mostly in love with same person. I didn’t had any world of my own outside him. In the year 2008 we started living together and life was good. I became more and more dependent on him even for little things. I was happy with no idea that I was completely lost. He was working and I was studying. Then almost living together for 9 months he moved to another city for further studies and I was left alone without even given a chance to say final goodbye because in all these years he never introduced me to any of his family members. Like always I never complained. I left that house and moved to my sister’s place initially.
After he went away….we talked but hardly. He was too busy studying and I got busy enjoying life. I took all my frustration of almost 8 years and went crazy. I was completely out of love as I was given no attention. He was busy all the time and while he was away I got the time to reflect on his opinions on different issues. It wasn’t a pretty picture and I knew that I couldn’t stay with him. In this phase when I was figuring out my life I met another guy and boy did he showed me hell. So broken hearted I went back to my parents and really started figuring out my life. I left all the boys alone and enjoyed my time with family and friends.
All this time I was in contact with my first love through text messages. We decided to meet casually and that casual meeting again took me to that dark place where I let myself believe that I could do no better. Meetings turned into seriousness of life and discussions about marriage. Our parents met and his mom refused generously once or twice blaming the horoscopes but determined we were so everyone failed to put sense into my mind. As the d day came nearer their demand grew more and more. I knew it was completely wrong but he termed everything as a part of their so called “culture”. My poor parents fell prey to my happiness and agreed on almost all of the things. He said everything will be fine as all this was a part of the culture and things will be according to that. I gave up and termed it too as “culture”. But in my heart I knew it was crime. I talked about it to no one and kept mum hoping that everything will be fine after marriage. But who was I fooling, only myself. The first festivals came and his mom dropped bombs of shagan on my parents and till date I never got to see a penny of it. It was all taken by his mother. I confronted my husband about this and again it was termed as “culture”. Furious I was, so I turned to my parents and asked them not to give any more money. My parents thought my in laws will trouble me if they refused to pay. I got more furious. I felt sick thinking about a man I married who believed in these sins of society. And as and when I got these pangs of culture payments I had this amazing realisation about myself. In all this mess I found myself. I found my ideals. I found my beliefs. I found who I really was. I was a girl..i was a bird..i wanted love and this was surely not love. The demands never stopped. I felt more and more sick. I was asked to bear children, literally asked, literally told to refer to some chinese calendar so that I know whether it’s a boy or a girl. I was asked by his mother whether or not we had started “doing it”. I felt sick from my brains till the tip of my toenail.
I lived though, hoping that everything will be alright once a year of marriage will pass. Everyone has adjusting problems and I thought I was having that too but how stupid I was. It was not adjusting problems. The problem was that I refused to be like them. I refused to merge into their greedy culture and hypocrisy. I stood alone without the man who promised in front of hundreds of people to love me and respect me. If it was not their way then it was no way. So many times I was left alone crying. My tears were useless. He called them crocodile tears. It struck like an arrow piercing the heart. He told me your mind should be like a child, no matter what happens in the night you should forget everything in the morning. I was all alone, not being talked to until I apologised for taking a stand and saying things I believed in. I apologised again and again and again and again in hope of a normal life. He would stop talking to me if I will not do as his mother asked. I was abused verbally and threatened with warnings of leaving and sometimes even dragged with my arms here and there. This verbal abuse and threatening continued for almost 2 years. I refused to have children and was taunted for that too by him and his family. Somewhere I did not see the future of a child. I was mocked on all the time. My conversations somewhat was a joke to him and if it was not he turned them into one. So I stopped discussing anything with him. He thought since I got married to him my life ended with him so I have to do whatever he says or else I was treated badly. I turned to a bruised soul and wanted to run away.
One day came and we went overseas. I thought now may be when we are far away he will see a side of me and everything will be normal. Every day that I spent abroad I was told that it was because of him that I got the chance to come overseas. His mom termed it as the “miracle of my life”. He went with the flow and then came those words where he made me realise every day that it was because of him that I got to see abroad. I wanted to go back but waited for my chance. Then came his parents and I worked like a slave for them cooking, cleaning and fulfilling their demands. My husband turned me to a chef and a maid for them and completely forgot that I am a human being and not a machine. Every possible thing was said to make me go crazy. I listened and kept quiet. But how much of craziness I could take when they all came together at me telling me that I was of no use and my mother taught me nothing and came from a family where my parents gave me no value and culture. I looked at them. They were shouting like a crowd shouts at a sportsman for not hitting the winning run. And that was it...I knew in my heart. This was it. As they were shouting and giving me lectures about the way I am supposed to behave I took out my bags and packed them. No one stopped me. My husband looked at me with disgust and they all watched in shock. I said I am leaving and I came back to India. I had no idea what was ahead of me and what was I supposed to do.
After a month my husband came back and asked me that he wanted to talk. I went to the place where he was staying. He tried to talk but I just could not understand a word. I had surpassed that level where I believed that everything will be fine. He asked me what I wanted to do. I had no idea. He told me he wanted to stay together because if not then it will ruin “my” life. I thought about my parents and their pain of looking at a divorcee daughter and I gave in. I kept my terms that I will not talk to his parents and he will not force me to do anything related to them. He agreed. We moved to our new rented house and after a few days the same thing started where he asked me have a child. I told him I need to be happy and in a good place to have a child. He retaliated everything I said and said things like I never wanted to have a child and I am selfish and I love to live alone. I cried my hearts out as I was losing my mental state of mind. He left for office and I submerged myself into the pillow screaming my hearts out.
That night he came home late. As I opened the door, I saw his eyes...they were overflowing with anger. He was badly drunk. He came in and started throwing his things, his shoes, his wallet, his bag and whatever he was carrying along. I came back to bed and slept. He started with the abusive language…it went on and on until I asked him to stay quiet and sleep. And these were the last words. He must be taking out his belt when I said this as I didn’t had the chance to see. He started hitting me badly with it. One lash after the other went on my body. I tried to stop him but couldn’t. He hit my fingers, my arms, my legs, my back, my stomach. I couldn’t stop him. I ran away to the next room and tried to save myself. He came with a glass full of water and threw it on the floor. It broke and I couldn’t move with the fear of getting glass in my feet. He came and started hitting again and I fell on the floor and the shreds of glass went in all areas of my body cutting me through. I pushed him so hard that he fell on the bed and passed out. I quickly grabbed few clothes and a bag and ran out of the house never looking back.
I stood on the street for a while before I started walking through the empty dark street towards my friend’s house. I was taking a turn to her lane when I saw a car turning to the same lane. As I turned to see, it hit me in my knee making me fall with all my things. I struggled to get up as I saw a man coming out of the car. He looked at my arms and thought he hit me badly. He rushed me inside his car. My eyes were so filled with tears and pain that I could not see the man clearly. As I sat in the car, I wiped my tears to see him. I couldn’t believe my eyes…I just could not figure out what was happening. He was a much known personality in the entertainment world. He was known and admired worldly. He was scared than me because he thought I was all bruised up because he hit me with his car. I kept looking at him. He asked me about the nearest hospital but I refused to go. He could not understand the reason. I asked him about his whereabouts. He told me was in the city for a movies shoot in the city for next 3 months and has rented a place here. I told him to take me to his place. He was confused and I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to refuse but didn’t as he felt guilty. I asked him for his jacket and I covered myself with it. I had trouble taking steps so he held my hand and we entered the elevator. In the bright light of elevator he could actually see my bruises. He didn’t questioned but I could see his doubtful eyes. We entered his house and I asked him to take me to a room and leave me alone. I sat there for a while. He kept asking if I needed something or if I was alright. After twenty minutes I gathered some courage and asked him to come inside. I told him I was bruised before you hit me with your car. His car had hardly hit me. He was so confused. I asked him I need your help. He was so generous and said yes without even knowing what I am going to ask him to do. I took my phone out my bag and I asked him to take pictures. He couldn’t understand and asked me what pictures. I told him that he has to help me remove my t-shirt. As he removed my t-shirt he looked in awe and lost all the words. I turned my back and asked him to click pictures of all the bruises he saw on my naked body. I knew he wanted to say something but couldn’t looking at my condition. When he was done he helped me put back all my clothes. I made him sit and explained what had happened and why I made him click pictures, as this was the only proof I had against him. He could not believe that in this modern world also these things happen and are done by people who are well educated and professionals. He asked me to go to a hospital but I didn’t had the strength to even move an inch. I told him that I want to have a bath and clean my body. He helped me all the way through to getting back into new clothes. He got his first aid box and cleaned my wounds. I was hungry so he ordered some food for me. Before sleeping he came to me and told me that whatever it was…the worse is over. He made my bed and helped me get into the bed. As he was leaving the room he told me that I could stay for as long as I wanted as this was the least he could do. I appreciated his gesture and asked him not to tell anyone about this incident.
I couldn’t sleep that night because of the pain from the lashes. Next morning I woke up to more pain and agony. He came to my room with a cup of coffee. I looked at him and just could not believe why God had sent him in my life. I was with a complete stranger and yet I felt safe. I looked in his eyes and could tell that he wanted to ask me what got me in this position. Before he asked I answered. I said it was my blind faith in the hope of love that led me to this state. He asked me if I wanted to call my family and inform them. I said no because I just could not bear the pain of my parents looking at their daughter so bruised. I asked him though if he could take me to a police station. We went together but I asked him to stay in his car because of his reputation and what all trouble he could get into because of a complete stranger. I came back with a report in my hand and sat in the car. He never asked me where I wanted to go now. He just took me back to his house.
I came back in the room and thanked him for being so kind and generous and apologised for causing any trouble. He was leaving the room but he stopped at the door, turned back and told me to stay as long as I wanted. It brought tears to my eyes thinking how I could feel so comfortable with a stranger in this strange place. I called up my family and narrated the details and asked them to hire a lawyer and file for divorce on grounds of abuse. They were heartbroken but relieved that I was fine and out of the mess. My parents like always were supportive of my decision. My parents wanted me to come back but I refused as I knew they will die every day just looking at me and worrying about my future. My parents told me that your marriage ended not your life so live your life and they will take care of the rest.
I rested for a while and he went for his movie shooting. I never told anyone except my parents and him what had happened. I really wanted to avoid all the questions and just wanted to be left in peace. As the sun was setting he came home and asked how I was feeling. I was in immense pain, couldn’t lift my hands to eat but I said I was doing alright. He came inside the room and sat next to me. He tried to comfort me and asked to apply some medicine on the bruises. Tears rolled down my eyes thinking about what came next. I screeched with pain every time I felt his hands touch my bruises. After almost twenty minutes the painful ordeal was over. He straightened my clothes and went to wash his hands. When he came back I asked him to sit next to me. I held his hand and asked him why he was doing this for me, I was no one to him. He told me that he just could not see someone so broken and leave them alone knowing that he could be of help. He told me how he admired me for my courage and just wished me to get well soon. I thanked him for everything he was doing for him.
As the days passed we got into a routine for almost two months from breakfast to dinner. Every morning he came with a cup of coffee and left for his shooting after breakfast. During lunch I was alone so I concentrated my mind in figuring out my life. As the evening would come my heart would sink thinking about my future. As the night proceeded he would come home with no energy left in his bones. I could tell he was working really hard. I never asked what he was working on and where he was shooting. With time I regained my strength and felt strong. All this time I decided that this city was not for me and I told him my decision of leaving the city. He thought it was a good decision and asked me where I wanted to go next. I thought about it for days and decided to go to Mumbai as I knew I could get a transfer from my job to the same franchise I was working for. I had informed at my work place that I had met with an accident. I requested them for a transfer and they accepted my application. During the last two weeks of my stay with him, he asked to take me out as I had not gone out since the day I came back from Police station. I was hesitant at first but I couldn’t say no to him. I asked him where we would go since he was a known person and it was not easy going in public. He told me not to worry about that just be ready around 7pm. He came home around 7:20 and saw me sitting on the chair. He felt sorry for being late. We left the house and I felt really scared going out. It felt like I was getting out of my cave and in my heart I had this fear that this will be over in few days. I will have no one and I have to face the world all alone. I pulled myself together, forgetting everything for now and just enjoy the time I had now. I sat in the car and saw dinner kept on the backseat. He drove for around one hour before coming to a halt. I could not see anything as it was dark. I asked where we were going. He said, " just to have dinner". We got out of the car and he grabbed all the things from the backseat. We walked through the narrow lanes which cut from the main road and kept walking for twenty to twenty five minutes. All this time I realised that we hardly talked. Finally we reached almost at the end of the road and saw this beautiful lush green land. I could see people just sitting on the ground and enjoying their time away from the city hassles. I loved it. He placed a mat on the ground and arranged all the things. While I was settling down a man came to ask us if we wanted anything. We asked for some beverages. I looked at him and asked what this place is and how he came across such a beautiful arrangement. He told me he had heard about this place from his friends and it was the first time he had come here. We spent almost four to five hours talking about his life and my life. We came back around 3 in the morning. I thanked him for this gesture and walked to my room. He just smiled and wished me good night. That night I made up mind to leave the past all together and concentrate on my life from that very moment.
Two weeks passed and I packed my bag and so did he. I had no idea where he was going but I had told him about my future moves and he appreciated my courage to live life normally. He wished me good luck for the life ahead and I thanked him for all his kindness and asked him to call me if he ever needed anything in life. He smiled at me and said nothing. I had never thought about this moment of parting. I had no idea how to say goodbye to him. We kept juggling through our stuff for next half an hour waiting for each other to say the last word. Finally I stopped him and put my arms around him and thanked him for everything that he had done for me without even knowing me. He held me in his arms for quite a while and said’ “I hope no one hurts you now or else I am going to hunt them down.” I laughed a little and said my final thank you. We both moved out together and he dropped me at a taxi stand. It was his last day of shooting and from there he would straight head back to Mumbai. Though I knew he was going to the same place where I was but I never asked him to take me along as I was very head strong about the fact of getting my life and my career in place.
After 5 months of struggle I found a nice house and a career I was proud of. I was moving forward and had a clear head on what I wanted in life. I got my divorce and it was a painful deal. I moved on from it and started living life as normally as I could. In all this time not a single day passed when I didn’t think about the generous man. His generous selfless deed towards me taught me something in life and I started giving to the people in need. I started helping people on street and wherever I saw someone who needed help. One fine day I was helping an old lady cross the street and I had stopped the traffic with my hands. I pointed my one hand towards the maddening traffic and with other hand I held the old lady’s hand. When I reached the other end the lady joined her hands thanking me and blessed me. As I turned back I banged myself into a car that was standing in the corner. How did I miss seeing it, I had no idea. My bag fell from my shoulder and so did the things. I swear a little and bent down to pick up my things. As I was picking my things two more hands joined me and my heart skipped a beat. I looked at him and there he was with that same shine in his eyes when I first met him. I opened my mouth in awe but could not say anything. He said “hi” and I replied. I was in a good shock. He asked me if he could drop me somewhere. I said yes and sat in his car. He told me I looked good and confident. I smiled and told me the address to my building. He looked at me with shock when I told him my address. I couldn’t understand until he told me that he stays in the same building on the 14th floor and I was in 10th. He told me had been overseas for his next movie and hardly came home and when in Mumbai he was always at his parent’s house which was just 15 minutes away from our building.
I could not understand what God was asking me to do. I invited him to my place for breakfast, lunch, dinner, for whichever he was free. He told me he always thought about me and what I was doing with my life now. All this time we never called each other on phone. There was no reason and there was no pressure. It was just not meant to happen. He had just come back from a twenty two hour flight and was jet lagged. I wished him goodnight and asked him to come whenever he is free. That night I just could not sleep. I just tossed and turned all night and had a very groggy morning. At around 7am someone rang the bell. I got up with half opened eyes and dragged myself to the door. I opened the door and there he was holding two cups of coffee in his hands and a smile in his eyes. Before he could say anything I opened the door and welcomed him. We went to my small balcony and sat on the chairs. He asked about my new life and I asked about his new ventures. I said I was really glad I met him. He brought positive energy in my life. We chatted for two hours when finally I realised it was time for me to go to work. He thanked me for having coffee with him. It sounded strange but good. While he was leaving he told me he will be in Mumbai for few months before his next movie starts.
For the next month we crossed each other paths and chatted casually but our times were such that when he was coming I was going and when he was going I was coming from somewhere. Even though we had spent three months together there was an uneasiness about something…like he wanted to say something. It must have been 2 in the morning when my phone rang. It was him and he said he wanted to talk. I said ok but inside I was scared because I knew somewhere in my heart what was coming. He came after 10 minutes and sat on the sofa and asked me to sit beside him. I held back a little but gave up and sat next to him. He held my hands and looked in my eyes and told me he liked me and was tired of hiding his feelings for me. I had no idea what to say. Thousands of thoughts came in my minds with a flash of a second. I had experienced a different kind of love in past and to go through that again was not for me anymore. I dreaded those feelings of loving someone and being loved. I said nothing to him. We sat there in silence for a while. Finally he told me I was all he could think about all this time. I had no idea what to say and sat there in silence. At last I told him I had no strength to go through a relationship. I could never gel with his life style and moving ahead with him in life was like moving to a different life. I just could not do it, especially when I had all figured it out at this point of my life. His lifestyle was upside down from mine. He left around 4 in the morning. Before going he said that he will always be my friend no matter what. I hugged him and closed the door as he walked away.
For the next few day I just could not stop thinking about it. He went away and I hardly saw him for couple of months. On December 15 I got a call from a neighbour from my home town asking me to come immediately. I could not understand her much as she kept crying and talking. I thought my phones got interconnected but when I called back at my parents no one answered. Then I called up my brother and he didn’t answered. I got scared and tried almost all my relative’s number and strangely no one answered. I rushed to my immediate neighbours crying and scared thinking about all the scary thoughts in my head. They couldn’t understand me and tried to calm me down. I booked my tickets for the same day and started packing and remembered that all my family was supposed to go for my cousins wedding. I was grabbing my things without thinking when suddenly I heard my phone ringing and I saw mom on the screen. I felt relieved and answered the phone. I could not believe the next words that I heard from the other side of the phone. It was not my mom, it was a police officer telling me that members of my family have died in a bus accident. They were all going to the wedding in a bus that they had hired and the bus fell into a 3000ft gorge. I was shell shocked, I wanted to scream, I wanted to run, I wanted to shout, I wanted to kill myself too. But I couldn’t do anything. My neighbours came and consoled me and dropped me to the airport. There were two hours left for my flight and I was going crazy at the airport. Those two hours turned into a lifetime as they would just not pass. I moved back and forth. I was losing breath and I was losing my mind. Finally it was time and I ran towards the aisle. I breathe heavily with tears rolling down my eyes. I was running and running until I twisted my ankle and fell on the ground with all my luggage. Everyone looked at me. I ignored all of them and looked for my boarding pass. I looked and looked and started putting things in my bag. In a moment I realised someone else putting things in my bag. I was looking under the seats for my boarding pass when suddenly it was flashed in front of my eyes. I looked at the hands and my heart skipped many beats. I turned back and there he was standing, holding my bag in one hand and two boarding passes in other hand. I hugged him madly and cried my hearts out. I looked into his eyes and saw something I had never seen before. People stopped and looked in shock but I didn’t care. People recognized him and started clicking pictures. But he didn’t give a damn about anyone. He held my hand and went with me to my home town where the worse waited for me. I cannot explain in words the feeling of loosing everything. I felt nothing and was numb for almost 2 weeks. He was there caring for me like he did before. I was like a wounded child who had no idea what had happened. I completed all my rituals and decided to go back after almost a month. I could not stay there. I was too scared.
We both went back together and there they were…the paparazzi clicking pictures. I hid my face and rushed towards his car and told him to drive as fast as he could. We reached our place and he straight away took me to the 14th floor. I didn’t said anything as I really needed someone in my life to just look at as everyone was gone. I cried for nights and he consoled me for nights. Days passed and I started going back to work again. I moved back to my place on 10th floor but spent most of the time out as I was too scared to be alone now. He got busy with his previous commitments. He was at my place if I was not at his. I never wanted to be alone. One night he told me about his next project. He had to spend more than six months shooting overseas. He told me to be strong and never feel alone as he was always there. I could not eat after he told me he was leaving. I felt someone was choking me. I could not figure out what was happening. I just said ok.
I didn’t sleep that night and waited to say goodbye the next morning. It was 6:30am when I went down to the area where he parked his car. He was just turning his car when he saw me. I moved towards his car and I just sat there in silence. I had no idea what to say. He moved towards me, held my hand and kissed me on my forehead. I got out of the car with a heavy heart and rushed toward the elevator. I punched some buttons with tears in my eyes. The elevator stopped and I got out only to realise that it was not my floor. It was 14th floor. I stood in front of his door for a while and realised that this is my home. I wanted to run and stop him. I ran all the way form 14th floor to the ground floor and out of the building and I saw no sign of him. I had never asked about his flight or anything related to his travel. I rushed to the airport in auto. I had no idea whether I was going the right way. I reached the airport and looked around like I had lost someone. I looked and looked but had no sight of him. I searched for him in every shop, in every corner of the airport. He was not out there so I thought he must have checked in. I requested the staff to let me in as I just wanted to say few words to someone but they didn’t listened. I lost all hope and returned back. It felt like someone took my heart out of me. I came back to my house and realised I had not even locked my door in the morning. I went inside my room and stood in front of the sun rising. I closed my eyes and breathed the rays of sun inside. When I opened my eyes…I had two hands in front of eyes with two mugs of coffee. I put my hands on my face and turned. I removed my hands from my face and there he was standing with that smile in his eyes. I took both the mugs, kept them aside and wrapped my arms around him with all my heart.
I told him that the day he came to me at the airport with two boarding passes, that was the day I discovered real love in his eyes and today when I went to his house instead of mine, I discovered real love in my eyes for him. He took me in his arms and said," I love you for who you are." I looked in his eyes and saw respect and admiration for me. We kissed until the sun reached its high for the day. I pulled back when I saw him taking something out from his upper shirt pocket.He placed his one hand in front of my eyes and opened it. There were two platinum bands. He told me this was his promise to love me forever. He put one band on my finger and I promised to love him till I breathe my last. That day with platinum bands on our fingers we felt a sense of belonging towards each other. He was my family now and I was his. We celebrated our love with platinum and coffee. He never asked me to marry him and I never asked him to marry me. The purity of platinum marked our everlasting love with eternal bond of love and respect. Whenever I look at our platinum bands it reminds me that I belong to someone and someone belongs to me. That day was our platinum day of love. It’s been five years now and the bond has just gone stronger and stronger. Platinum reminds us about our beautiful day of finding love. We have a 2 year old daughter now and we promised to love each other beyond the rules of our society. Nothing can be more pure than platinum in our life as this is our promise to be there for each other come what may. I thank Platinum for being a part of my life and reminding me everyday that I am special because someone loves me for who I am and what I am.
This is my entry for the contest Platinum Day of Love posted by Indiblogger. Thanks indiblogger for these amazing contest. inspires me to write with my heart.
This is my entry for the contest Platinum Day of Love posted by Indiblogger. Thanks indiblogger for these amazing contest. inspires me to write with my heart.