Sunday, 30 September 2012

the pain.....

Sitting in a room full of people when someone still feels alone then no matter how hard the person tries its still going to be the loneliest night of all. That pain in the heart and smile on the face is something which I learned and now I am a master at it. I really wonder when this excruciation is going to leave my heart and find some other place to rest. I wished for love which was mine and not shared by anyone else but what I discovered was not even near to that. What I got is too hard to live with and now I am here where the love that I have is not only divvied but can never be mine. Is this really love, I wonder and ask myself every now & then. Is it some form of love, is it even love. Let me just ask my heart. And when I ask my heart, it cries and pains and runs away, turns it’s back on me and refuses to answer , its just says that when you have already decided to break me why even ask me. So much for this venomous love; “says my heart” that you forgot about me…. How much more poison you want? “My heart asks me”, how much bruised & battered, you want to see yourself, my heart asks me again & again. I have no answer cuz I am so lost in love. I feel  I am in the middle of the road, wounded, my knees on ground, hands on road with my heart broken, its so broken that not even in the dawn, with no soul around I am able to find the pieces of my heart and then I cry and get up with my wounded legs and heart, try my best to move and I move slowly cuz its so hard to walk with broken heart but its even harder to walk without a heart and see the pieces of your heart scattered around with no one helping you pick those pieces and gather them together. So I scream and fall again. My eyes half shut& half open wait for that first ray of sun and wishes someone collects those pieces and helps me breathe again. My heart longs for a breath of new air. Heart is aching badly. With no one around it cries silently cuz if it cries out loud the world says the tears are a faux. So it cries without making any sound and tries its best to keep hush and prays to the power above to show some mercy and let go off the pain & suffering. All the power rests with in you so this much can not you do for me. I cry, I beg, I ask, I question, I wonder, I wait, I look, I pray but I can not die. So all I ask is to stop hurting me and my request is to all the masses, stop hurting me. If can not love me please stop hurting me. My heart is sick of this pain and I feel I am having some deadly disease which spreads with every minute, every second, every day, every hour. So where ever you are come and see me what pain I am into. How can you just watch and do nothing about it. Pull my hand out of this life of agony. Pull my hand from it and let me breathe freely. Please let me breathe. Dear pain I request you to let go from my heart and find some other place. Stop residing in me and go find some other home.. Go now and never come back to me again. Tell me when I open my eyes in the morning you will be gone and promise me you will never see me again. Even the well of my tears is empty now so I can not feed you with anymore tears. You will die inside me. So go and rest some place else……………………….

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